Sharyn,
Your first point is a very good one. When it comes to escalating conversations it is good to keep your composure. Each of us should not elevate our emotion to the level of the person who is upset. When someone is emotional the way to bring them down is to maintain and understand level of communication with sincere listening skills. 87% of good communication comes from listening.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I like to think that I have a knack for diffusing a potentially problematic situation. I am normally somewhat quiet and let the other person vent. Throw in a few "Yes, I understand"s, and "abslolutely"s and when the person had calmed down enough then you might politely interject your thoughts on the situation(s).
If all else fails, cupcakes work great!
My worse problem has been with coworkers who fail to come to me with problems that they have WITH me. Instead of simply coming to me and expressing a concern about the way something is done, they go above my head to my supervisor or HER supervisor and that tends to make for lots of resentment in the workplace. Without talking about it, it escalates into a "spittin' contest" that ultimately no one wins.
Talk talk talk it out.
Christine,
Remaining neutral is important. There are always two stories for every issue. Recognizing the intelligence of each person and the importance of settling the issue for the sake of the team.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I talk to each individually and talk to them together, allowing each a turn to state their side of the problem. I try to find a positive value from each side to use to connect them in taking ownership of the situation and work as a team.
Wendal,
Listening is the most important part of communication. If we can understand the communicator the better we can communicate back. Listening is 87% of communication.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I always keep in mind to be professional. I haven't always followed a process. What I always try to do is to talk with the individual. What has worked for me in the past is to be direct. Identify when there's an issue. But try hard to understand thier point of view. Often times it's a difference in philosophy of life. Work to understand where the other person is coming from. We are not always going to see eye to eye in the workplace, but respect for the individual is a must.
Xiomara,
I like your approach to keep it at the level it started. But it is important to be cognizant of the situation. Listening is 87% of our communication with anyone. Good listening helps us to address the situation professionally and with empathy.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Xiomara,
The way we deal with confrontations is the ability to recognize the diversity of people we deal with in our place of work. Knowing knowing how to approach people may be different and it takes our ability to analyze each of these situations. You will learn to address each of the situations by using the techniques that best fit the instances.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Priscilla, Using this course material to partake in future conflict resolution is exactly what I indend to do in the near future. Several approaches came up that might work better. Good Idea.
If it's a difficult interaction that is taking place between myself and another employee I will approach the employee in an attempt to seek to understand why this is happening and what we can do to remedy the situation. If the difficult interaction pertains to my direct reports - most likely I will find out about it because one of the employees brought it o my attention. I will encourage them to speak to their coworker to resolve the problem without me having to get involved. If that does not work then I will call both into my office so that each can voice their concern as many times it might be some misunderstanding.
Lisa,
Listening is 87% part of communication. Your technique of listening is the first step in the right the direction. Sometimes people get off track when they allow personal feelings about each other get in the way of the true mission. By working it out as you suggest allows the people to take a second look at their position. Through diplomacy and your guidance most issues can be solved.
Dr. Gary Carlson
It depends highly on the players involved. I am the Dean of a nursing program so when my difficulties arise between my peers I usually ask for a private meeting where I simply ask what the problem seems to be. My peers and I seem to have very collegial relationships and this approach has worked so far. When the difficult situation seems to be most challenging is when I have to facilitate the discussion between two faculty members who are "at each others throats". I begin by having them identify their own perspective on the issue and engage in some communication regarding the issue. If it seems as though they need a real plan to solve the differences I have them develop that then they are asked to return to my office in the next few days to a week (depending on the issue) to reevaluate the situations. This approach works more often than not. If it doesn't I typically get my supervisor involved at that point.
Cristina,
Expectations and the value of the expectations should be presented at the beginning of the course or activity. Then when something disruptive may happen you can refer to the expectations from the beginning and state the value. The idea of remaining professional is very good. Also remember to keep the emotion from you calm and collected. Never rise to the emotion of an unhappy student.
Dr. Gary Carlson
What I have found that has been working for me as an Administrator working with students is first just to hear them out - usually separately if they are in conflict with another student - and not saying much except to ask questions to clarify details. I try my best not to let any of my previous knowledge of this student affect my assessment of the current situation. My first suggestion for disagreeing students is to find adult, professional ways of working out their differences, like practice for when they go out into the "real world" where they will for sure run into similar situations. If they are not able to or an unwilling and it becomes detrimental to the class I offer to mediate a discussion between them. After this mediated discussion, I then lay down what my expectations will be going forward and what the consequences will be if the desired outcome is not met and policies end up being broken. It is somewhat a "two-hat" job where I try to support them for success and implement the policies as well.
alexandra,
Most people often have the same goals but different approaches. When you talk you can find agreement on how to diplomatically make it happen.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I think that having the two parties sit and disucss what they feel the issues are and see what they are trying to accomplish and most of the time they will see that they are tryign to accomplish the same thing.
John,
Not all difficult interactions start out on a smooth path. Some are more like rocky roads. What is important is to measure the behaviour that happened before that the conversation which caused the emotion. If we have better knowledge of what raised the emotional level. Understanding and caring attitudes cause the emotion to subside to allow for a better opportunity for communication.
Dr. Gary Carlson
If I come across a difficult interaction, I try to look at my own motivations and interpretations first. I have caught myself in the past in what I thought was a difficult interaction but it was my own feelings that mostly contributed to my interpretation. Once I have determined that it was not me that created the diffult interaction, I try and understand the other persons feelings and motivations.
It is possible that we simply have different priorities on the subject and that we need to discuss so we can resolve it. I have had some difficult situations that fell into the unsolvable due to emotional and psychologial on the other persons part. However, the great majority of situations can be resolved by working with the other person to really listen to each other and work towards a compromise.
Hlee,
Your assumption is probably correct. The underground and rumor mill exist in almost every business. Sometimes you can avoid confrontation by staying clear of the negative communications. But when it comes in front of you with a confrontation just keep the attitude you have always seemed to have and that is you are non-emotional. Never raise your emotions to the level of the person who is presenting the emotion..
Dr. Gary Carlson
I haven't had to deal with any difficult interactions with others in my workplace yet. I've been at the same company for almost a year. I come to work, have great relationships with my coworkers, and go home on a good note. I believe I am a good worker and I enjoy helping out the other departments. I try to stay away from the "grapevine" and gossip, rumors, etc. I believe this has helped me to not have any drama at work.
