becoming too friendly w/ students
i'm going on my second year as an instructor in a post secondary school, and finding myself constantly becoming too friendly with students. How can i better create a level of professionalism while maintaining a fun learning environment
Hi Jason,
I can only offer a small piece of advice. You must remember that you are in a position of authority. When your relationships become blurred, that position is quickly lost. Students will always look to you for guidance and direction, whether you want it or not. You must maintain that level of respect and discipline. If that level is lost, you may be seen as a "pushover" which could harm your control of future classes. In the same breath, we must remember to be compassionate. There is no easy answer, its a delicate balance.
Steven
Hi Marvin,
Well said. Walking that fine line is sometimes a challenge. Sounds like you have a good perspective on this.
Gary
I agree that finding the proper "line in the sand" between being too much of a friend, and establishing the proper level of comfort in your classroom can definitely be a struggle at times. I have found that having a sense of humor helps, while at the same time trying to keep my personal life out of the classroom.
Hi Carmen,
You make a good point. Instructors need to be supportive and approachable but yet maintain their professional distance. By establishing rapport with students it becomes much easier. Their respect for you grows as they get to know you as a professional and caring human being.
Gary
Is a very thin line between being too friendly and being accesible to your students. Sometimes is hard to have a balance between being assertive and your objectives and reaching your students. But it is not impossible
Hi Lorraine,
You are on the right track with sharing only a small part of your personal life with your students. Sharing your professional life and work experiences related to the career field is important to help your students see how their career life will take shape.
You can be friendly and develop rapport with your students without giving them all the details of your personal life. They need to see you as a model of their career field that has rich personal life because you developed such a life for yourself. End of story.
Gary
I am in my first year and I found my self in the same situtaion. Sometimes I feel as if they are so interested in finding out my personal life. I have found helpful to acknoledge in a friendly manner their interest without answering their questions fully. I change the subject and continue with class. I feel that by acknoledging the fact that I heard the question and answering in a way that is not invading to my personal life (it's probably not the answer they were looking for)they know that I am friendly and accessible and I don't compromise my personal life.
Hi Reva,
I like your style. You know you are a professional and as such you are going to conduct yourself as such. This is what gives you the respect of your students as well as developing rapport with them.
That is the way to manage a class.
Gary
This is my second semester as a new Instructor, and also I am one of the youngest, if not youngest instructor in my department. In the beginning, the administrative staff often mistook me for a student. As a new instructor, in the begininig it was a intimidating, leading a class of students, where some of the students were 10 years old than I am or the same the age as some of my students, or some of my students are 10 years younger than I am. However, I did not allow the age gap deter me, as the most important thing for me was to etablished boundaries and discipline in the class.
Hi Leslie,
Well said. You have to have a strong personal identity as well as personal life that enables you to separate between your two lives. I do not a positive and strong personal life will help you cope with the demands of being a professional educator.
Gary
The key lies in defining customer service. Be bright, cheerful and motivational. Like any job do not take it home with you. Events that are out side work functions, hanging out or comunications of a personal nature is taking the work home.
Hi Paul,
Good point. Instructors have to maintain a professional relationship with students at all times. My personal position is that I will be a professional friend to my students providing them wiht support, encouragement and references as needed. I cannot and will not be a buddy to them. The biggest reason is that we are not on the same level in terms of our careers or lives outside of the classroom.
I want my students to feel comfortable in contacting me years after they have graduated and telling me of their successes or asking for references. This is to me part of our legacy of being professional educators.
Gary
Making friends with someone allows them to see more of you than that professional appearance that your work puts out there. This makes it a lot harder for a student to take you seriously.
I can relate to your question, Jason. I have an outgoing personality, and it's hard to reign that in within the classroom setting. I've taught for a number of years off and on, and find that the older I get, the easier it gets. I believe the other posts are accurate--dressing professionally, not getting too involved in their personal lives, and not letting too much of your personal life be known--are key.
Hi Lee,
Sounds like you have found the balance needed to keep your students engaged and having rapport with you without becoming too involved in their lives to the point that there is any misunderstanding about the relationship.
Gary
It is always good to be friendly teacher, keeping the student and teacher boundary.
This is the hardest thing I've found in being an instructor, what is the best balance for me in a friendly person and a good motivator and disciplinary. It seems every class is different and all have their own needs. But over time, I learned that simple model is tell them up front what the rules are and let them know the consequences are. By doing this up front you can relate to them in a friendly manner so that they know what to expect.
Hi Shirley,
Excellent example of how we need to approach and work with students. It sounds like these two are going to finish their program and I'm sure it is due to the fact that they know you care about them and their future.
Gary
Hi Daniel,
Glad to hear that you have found balance between friendship and professional educator. It is a fine line but one that has to be found and then followed or you will have more problems than you care to deal with.
Gary
