Small talk is sometimes a problem with me. I find myself jumping ahead or cutting them off. Getting another rep to jump in is a great idea.
I'm going to encourage others who have used the communication hierarchy to comment and provide you with some of their tricks, but I can suggest that taking the time to make small talk before moving on to some of the more intimate questions will help you in many ways. You're right, that first meeting can be tough, but with practice talking about some of the easy topics such as weather, sports, current events, etc. you will hopefully connect with more of your students.
Alot of the students that we encounter are challenging to connect with, so moving through this "hierarchy" is probably one of the most important parts of the initial meeting. What are some tricks for doing this?
Elizabeth,
Patience is definitely a key in moving through the hierarchy. Just keep in mind that not everyone will move through all steps (in fact, it is not essential/nor desired to bond with everyone at that level). Getting to mutual interest is key however. Thanks for the post!
Dr. Jean Norris
Agreed. One cannot skip steps in the communication hierarchy. Patience patience patience. Listening to the other person and allowing the process or ritual through to bonding takes time.
You bring up a great point, different personalities will process through the communication hierarchy in different ways. Sometimes the mutual interest doesn't happen immediately and that's when we need to be patient and ask good open-ended questions to do our best to get the person talking. Once they mention something that you can connect with, that's when you spend some time cultivating the mutual interest. It's all about practice, so keep trying!
I feel that it depends on the person. I have a hard time getting reserved people to open up and have a hard time getting past the mutual interest stage.
Cindy, that's a great point. Sometimes we just need to take the time to be able to find the connection with others. Remember, if you do spend the time in that step, you will create relationship equity and so the rest of the conversation should be easier.
Dr. Jean Norris
Cindy, that's a great point. Sometimes we just need to take the time to be able to find the connection with others. Remember, if you do spend the time in that step, you will create relationship equity and so the rest of the conversation should be easier.
Dr. Jean Norris
Mutual Interest - building the rapport and trust is the most difficult step for me. I tend to be very task oriented and thus have to make myself slow down genuinely connect and find the common ground.
It has been a good reminder of the importance of taking the time to move through the communication hierarchy, that each step is built on the other. Sometimes it is easy to be in a hurry and try to skip to feeling or bonding, which won't be successful without the foundation being built first.
With many people I find a mutual interest very easily, but I still feel like I need to work on this area the most. Even if I have a hard time finding a mutual interest with someone, that rapport still needs to be built. I will improve finding a mutual interest by asking more and better questions of that person.
The part of the communication hierarchy that challenges me the most is the opinions part. I may skip mutual interest or small talk and jump right into opinions. I really enjoy bouncing ideas off of people and I sometimes will go right to that without following the proper hierarchical steps. I need to take my time when meeting new people and make a conscience effort to go through every step so that the pyramid is built higher and stronger.
In the Communication Hierarchy my biggest challenge is small talk. I am very task oriented and do great when matching resources to a need, however, getting to the meat can be a challenge for me. I don't like to "beat around the bush".
The part of the communication hierarchy that challenges me the most is the Opinions stage. It's hard for me not to form opinions too fast and tell it to the new person I just met. I will improve in this by starting from step one of the communication hierarchy. It’s better to follow the communication hierarchy the suggested way to be an effective communicator.
I think the opinion stage is the toughest for me. It is hard for me to hear someone elses opinion and not have some kind of emotional reponse. Giving an opinion has the same response. I think I just need to be aware that the emotional reaponce is the whole point to this stage of the communication and except it for what it is.
I feel that feeling would be my challenge, because I do not know the person that well to reall compare mutual feelings about what we have in common, however to over come that I would say is to ask more questions and to get to know them more on different levels.
Michel, that's a great point. By using that mutual interest, you can build trust and start to give your opinion and share you feelings, but you may need to build more mutual interest in several areas before this can occur.
Dr. Jean Norris
Devin, very interesting. So by not allowing the mutual interest to form, it sounds like you can't fully move through the other stages. Now that you have this awareness, what will be your plan moving forward?
Dr. Jean Norris
Michelle, thanks for your honesty here. So now that you have this awareness, what is your plan moving forward?
Dr. Jean Norris
