Difference between pal and friend....
I extremely appreciate the outlining of the difference between being a friend and a pal to students. The two can sometimes become confusing especially when trying to show the students that they can trust you and that you are their to support and encourage them. In a situation where the students are adults too and sometimes share same interests as you.
Hello David,
I appreciate your honesty. When I started teaching college at the age of 21, I was still finding out who I was. As I grew in my personal development, I also grew in my professional development. I realized that it was important the students learned how to like themselves, respect themselves, and believe in themselves. I realized that how they viewed themselves became more relevant to their success than how they viewed me. I became convicted in the belief that I always had their best interest in mind when preparing for class sessions. I became confident in the relevance of what we discussed in class, the assignments I gave, and the activities we did. Since I had confidence in my teaching objectives, I was less affected by students who seemed dis-interested. I learned to no longer take it personal. I believe in myself, in the purpose of my subject, and in my students. My esteem now comes from my students success and their esteem in themselves.
Hi David,
Well said. You have laid out a very clear picture of the struggles that many teachers go through in finding their instructional balance between the role they are going to play as a professional educator and how they feel about how the students perceive them personally. Remember if you always present yourself as a professional caring model of the career area your students will respect you.
Gary
Pal vs. friend has been a difficult concept for me, even though I've taught in the community college system for about 8 years. I've had a romanticised view of what a teacher is and have felt that the more the students "like me", the better teacher I am. I've made the mistake many times of basing my self-esteem on "like vs. effective educator", and even now I find myself taken back from time-to-time when I get negative or constructive feedback from my students. The lessons are there for me, but I need to divorce myself from the esteem issues.
Hi Andrew,
This is a problem that can cause real issues for instructors. They have to maintain a professional distance from the students. If not there will be no respect and class management will be difficult. Instructors that want to be buddies with their students also are not showing maturity. If they thought about it they would not want to go back to being the student which they would have to in order to be a peer of the students. We as instructors cannot go back to that status, it just not possible. We are at a different point in our careers and thus we have to conduct ourselves reflective of that status.
I as an instructor will be a professional friend to my students, meaning I will advocate for them in such ways as providing references and referrals in their career field but beyond that I am the instructor and they are the students, period. I still have great rapport with my students in that by setting the boundaries they know I want the best for them as their educational manager.
Gary
We have had trouble in the past with instructors at our school that cross the line and befriend the student to the point where the instruct/student relationship gets blurred. I believe this causes the instructor to lose their sense objectivity and could also compromise fairness with the rest of the students in the class. I feel the instructor should be friendly and personable, but always remember that at some point they may need to be the disciplinarian. This is very difficult if you become too close and are buddies with your students.
Hi Scott,
Excellent point you make about accessibility. You need to be accessible but only in a professional way. As you experienced students will take advantage of you if given the opportunity even when they don't think they are.
I give out my work email address plus office phone and find that this works fine for students.
Gary
I have made serious mistakes in the past by giving my cell phone number to my students. They began calling me at home at many awkward times. I have since found that it is acceptable to give them the phone number at the college, and the email number for my computer at the college. This way I can give the students an access to me without jeopardizing my personal time.
Hi Nancy,
Well said and very clear. Instructors have to set the standard for behavior and class conduct. By being fair and consistent the message will become clear to the students.
Gary
An instructor needs to be able to show support for each student in a way that encourages them without demonstrating a"Pal" relationship to the other members of the clinical class.Each student should see the instructor provide clear and fair ,feedback during instruction.
Hi Robert,
You make a key point about not being too close to students. You cannot be a buddy to students as this will cause untold problems when it comes to rapport and respect. You can offer a friendly relationship that is based upon mutual respect of you the educator and they the student. You both are sharing a common theme and that is the career area in which they are preparing to enter.
Gary
I believe it is an enormous responsibility to give the students an honest experience with their schooling. I don't believe that this can happen if we choose to be friends rather than instructors. Being friends is easy but putting yourself in the role of an educator can be more difficult but also has a level of respect with it.
I do agree with Patricia about not setting boundaries to tight. I don't want my students to be affraid to approach me. I've been teaching secondary education for 6 years, there have been many students that I have instructed. By being a friend to them when they were a student and establishing a good rapport, I have many students that still keep in contact and ask questions even after they graduate. This helps the instructor see what an impact we have on our students lives and what a pleasure it has been to help mold their career choice.
Hi Patricia,
You are right about setting boundaries for your students. If you are too distant you will not be able to establish any kind of rapport with the students and on the other side you cannot get too close to the students which would not be professional. If you strive to be an approachable role model of both the career area and an as a professional educator you will find that you can establish life long relationships with your students. As you know these students will continue to contact you for references, to ask questions and share their career successes. That is what teaching is all about. Seeing students being successful both in your class and after graduation. Keep up the good work.
Gary
I think we as instructors have to be careful and not set those boundaries so tight that we become unapproachable. I have seen this occur with some of my colleagues and the students become discouraged because they don't feel they can approach the instructor with important questions or information.
I couldn't agree more! More than once I've seen instructors set themselves and their students up for failure by not setting clear boundaries in the student/teacher relationship. By not having those clear boundaries set from day one, it has the potential to negatively affect retention, learning and in turn, the student's success.
I think it is very important to develop the instructor-student relationship in order for learning to take place. If the student does not respect you both professionally and technicaly, it will be difficult to facilitate learning.
