I encourage my students to take an honest look at themselves, too, and to be accountable for what they do, what they don't do, what they say, and what they don't say. If I am speaking to a student who says, "I couldn't come to class because I got into a fight with my ________ (fill in relationship here) and he upset me." I usually say, "Have you ever considered that the only reason you were so upset is because you let yourself become that upset? Why give someone that much power over how you feel and what you do?" I don't expect an answer immediately; I just usually tell the student to think about it--we must all learn that we can make choices about what we choose to feel, do, and say. No one can make us feel, do, and say anything unless we let it happen. I always want my students to realize this cycle of blaming others cannot continue and they need to be accountable for their own words and actions.
I will make observations about current events and how many people refuse to accept their part in what has gone wrong. I tie this in to whatever the topic is and then have the students reflect back examples of this behavior that they have observed. Typically the problem student gets the message and wants to speak after class.
I have recently heard students blaming others at a party (during the week) for their having gotten drunk and having a hang-over which impeded their ability to pay attention to the requirements for their clinicals for a day or two. It wasn't their fault they got drunk, it was everyone else at the party that encouraged them to drink and continue drinking even though these students knew their assignments, responsibilities, etc. "If they hadn't called and asked me to come over to the party, I wouldn't have gone and then I wouldn't have gotten drunk and have this hang-over." Not one thought did they have for saying "No, can't come,I have clinicals tomorrow". It never crossed their minds at all that they were responsible for their problems. It was so frustrating to hear from the.
Hi Debra,
Great lesson to teach students! Employers are simply not going to put up with the foolishness.
Patricia
I often come across students who blame me for their negative grade, if you know what I mean. I then ask them three questions: Where you here doing the lecture, did you read the material, and did you have any questions prior to the test. Most likely they will answer no to at least one of these questions and then I would say, "how is this my fault".....
I think it is important to actively listen to a student but the ball so to speak is in their court. I can empathize with their issues but I always remind them that their future employers expect things on time so they now need to begin modeling that behavior in school. And discuss with them a plan of action to prevent this from happening in the future.
Hi Emma,
These are great points to share with your students. I let my students know all the time, that for every choice there is a consequence, and that they are in control of their own destiny; whether they fail or succeed is left solely up to them. Pointing finger is a bad thing--take responsiblity for your own actions.
Patricia
Students tend to blame their lack of success in the classroom, the school, the teachers, et al, instead of looking first at their own behavioral values. I engage these students by telling them my own personal "failure" experiences and how I use those failures as a benchmark to measure my success, I always tell them that I not only embrace my failures, so I can also dance with my success, being a good loser and learn from these mistakes, and therefore, convert yourself to become a good winner. I also remind them that we are in control of our failures whether externally or internally, and that they have a choice even if the choices are sometimes not ideal. That it is a very negative behavior for not taking responsibilities for ones actions. I always tell them to be responsible for their choices and actions. They choose to be a loser if they miss classes because theu failed to allocate funds for their subway money and then whine that they missed something important, but it wasn't their fault if they didn't have money for their transportation expenses.
I remind them that these are choices that they make, so they have to be more in control and i n charge of the consequences of their choices.
Sorry for this delayed response...
I enjoy taking the educational course...
Emma
I ask them what their goals were when they started class. Then, I ask what they expect from me and the class. I try to make them think about what they want from the class and then we talk about how to help them reach their goal.
Hi Jerry,
That's right! Adults must understand for every choice there is a consequence; be accountable for your very own action.
Patricia
Hi Kimberly,
I like it! I love hearing great quotes as well! Life happens with everyone, and students must realize that it is all how you react to life happenings.
Patricia
Hi Sherry,
That's right! Excuses should not be allowed, in the real world too many buts will get you in trouble.
Patricia
I am finding this to be true also, when you explain the "do nots" in the beginning and the same student will tell you "I know I'm doing this but...." it should be nipped in the bud that there is no butss... if you know then that is where it should end...no buts...
I really like this. In the past, the student would blame "me" and take it further with administration--as a for-profit school, the goal is to "make the student happy." I think I can "stop" this behavior by intervening immediately with this technique during "the student blamming me" and hopefully the student can "see" the reasoning and not go the route to administration.
Virginia
I like using quotes with these people. This is one of my favorites right now..."The secret of life isn’t what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you." It gives them a sense of control over their behavior, and a realization that stuff happens, and you have to respond appropriately if you want to be happy and successful.
Adults must realize to accept ownership of the responsibilities presented. Be willing to accept consequences of all actions, whether it is positive or negative.
Change will occur when the pain of change,disappointment or failure exceeds the pain of making changes or remaining the same.
I agree. The best way to get to the bottom is by having both side sit down until thhings are resolve and agree.
It is very difficult for students to admit that they are failing or that the field they thought they wanted to study is not for them. The blame usually goes to anyone but them. I always tell my students that I am willing to help them in any way but ultimately they have to do the work to get the result. We are all responsible for our own actions and every student is graded on their own merit. Do not expect to see the progress without putting in the effort.
Hi Vida,
I really like how you present questions to your students to get them thinking how they play a vital role in the situation. It easy to point the finger; students need to work on this because in the workplace this is not going to fly.
Patricia
On the first day of class I have my students take out a sheet of paper and write down why they desided to come to school to be an MA. What being a medical professional means to them. What motivates them to succed. Then I have them write the followng statement:
I am in charge of my success or my faiulre, I can choose to not let anything or anyone get in my way or I can choose to hit any and all road blocks. It is up to me.
I then have them place the paper into their folders and look at it anytime they feel the need to spread the wealth of blame anywhere other than where it belongs.
