DaleAnne,
Working in the field of Special Education with behaviorally disordered students. Going to work everyday knowing there would be conflict allowed me to practice conflict management on a regular basis. The key is often how we handle it emotionally. I used to advise my teachers to never allow their emotions to rise to the save level a person is representing. When that happens the emotion continues to go higher. This is an event you can control by your communication and actions in front of the person who is in conflict.
It is a necessity to be able to look at a person behavior and determine what was the precedent which caused the current behavior. We you can solve the precedent incident you will curb the inappropriate behavior.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I don't exactly have a process. I usually just act with whatever way feels comfortable at the time. I handle each situation differently. I feel each situation is different however, after learning this new information, I am intrigued and excited to try to out. Not that I want a conflict, but I feel more prepared to do so. I tend to have too much of an emotional attachment to the situation and I think that can be a definite bad thing.
Dan,
When you have reached your conclusion we should always be consistent with our actions. There are some issues that are more of consequence than others. You to handle accordingly.
Dr. Gary Carlson
When I come across difficult interactions in the workplace, the way I used to handle it differently depending on who/what is associated with the interaction. I have found out that this could cause future problems or situations because some may feel they are being treated differntly or unfairly, which is understandable. After reviewing this course and information, I will now approach it differently than how I was before. Now I will identify the cause, decidede whether I should intervene, assess the facts, identify the emotions, and then deal with concerns about self-image. Also I found the steps for improving my conflict-management style very useful.
Thomas,
Putting yourself in the shoes of the person you are communicating with always a good posture. Listening is 87% of communicating. Having a caring attitude is the best form of making connection with your people. No one cares how much you know until they know that you care.
Dr. Gary Carlson
First of all your approach to the situation is very important. Try not to put someone on the defense. Next be mindful of your tone. Tone is important so your message is percieved as it is intended. Be a good good listerner and the repeat was was said ." So am I understanding correctly this is what your are saying " By doing this you and the other person will understand whatis being said. Try not to aggitate the person, but be firm on your stance. Aplogize when need.. I am sorry if you fee lthis way that was not my intent ....Try to come to reasonable resolution that both parties arein aggrement with .
William,
Sometimes these take more structure to allow everyone a moment to speak. As a leader you need to communicate the necessity to remove the emotion from the problem and discuss logically and supportingly. When people have a chance to speak they become part of the solution.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Focus on Commonalities
Encourage an Open Dialogue
Get to the Heart of the Problem
Define and Support a Solution
Carol,
These are excellent structured techniques. You always need to keep your composure and not let the emotion of a difficult situation raise to higher levels of emotion. Even if your co-worker raises their emotion you should not go up there with them.
Dr. Gary Carlson
The thing that works for me is to sit down with the co-worker that I am not seeing eye to eye with, so to speak, and try to find out what can be going on in their life that may be causing some of the difficulty.
I also try to explain my position with the difficulty.
If neither of these attempts works, I then seek out my manager to sit down with us and try to mediate the situtation.
Erica,
I do wish you luck and as long as you stay consistent with good practices your reputation will help you through the difficult interactions.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I do not like difficult interactions, as I am sure all of us on the receiving end can agree to. I do not have a process that I follow, but I hope to be able to utilize the worksheets and other tools I have learned from this training. Wish me luck!
Ana,
Listening is 87% of communication. Your approach will always yield you with understanding and clear cut responses.
Dr. Gary Carlson
By listening and empathizing which sets the stage for open communication and diffuses negative mind-sets.
Debra,
Good strategy to look at prior behavior to understand the current behavior. I worked in Special Education for over 20 years and creating behavior modification required understanding prior behaviors. People often don't care what you know until they know you care
Dr. Gary Carlson
I definately mull over the situtaion for some time. I spend that time thinking mostly of the person's actions and their prior behavior and try to get a grip on where they're coming from. This way I can start by saying, 'this is what happened and I think the reason you acted that way was... am I correct?'. This way (I think) it helps them to know that I'm "about" both of us... not just me and my thoughts regarding the issue.
Nyssa,
Your body language and listening makes the difference. You can keep others calm and bring the situation into a more sensible state by your actions. Over reacting can only make it worse.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Nyssa,
We often have adopted learned responses to emotional situations. I worked with behaviorally disordered students for twenty years. I was the Director of Special Education for a large school district. I worked with our teachers in controlling emotional situations. The first step is never to let yourself become emotional. Keep your poise and never let yourself climb to the emotional leve the person who is exhibiting the stress. Stay calm and true to the meeting. If needed excuse the person from the meeting. If they refuse to do so then adjourn the meeting to a later time.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I would love to have an effective (for me) strategy for how to handle these situations. But when someone starts yelling, I experience shakiness, even though it might not appear obvious, and can't communicate effectively.
A lot depends on the nature of the interaction - is it a conflict between two peers? Is it a student whose experiencing difficulties? But whatever the situation, it all starts with effective listening, not only for content, but for the emotions behind it. Frequently conflict is about more than what's orally expressed; one or more parties to the conflict may have an internal agenda that complicates the issue.
