First, it is important to :
Explore the other person's intentions and facts
Examine your contributions to the problem
Ask what asuumptions are causing your feelings.
Examining your emotions and thinking will prepare you to handle the situation better.
David,
It is always best to keep an open mind when listening. You have plenty of time to make a decision after you have reviewed the information.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I try to focus on many things to help keep my perceptions calibrated. I work hard to listen actively, and not with an agenda. By staying neutral, I believe I am best equipped to identify if conflict is brewing.
Darryl,
It is always important to keep conversations professional and without hidden agendas. Listening is the key. 87% of communication is your ability to listen. Tthen speak to the discussion items.
Difficult Interactions can and should be productive, I watch the other person to see if they are taking our conversation personally. This is when it becomes emotional; I do not for our conversation to emotional but often this is when you learn what may be the underlying factor that caused the conversation in the first place.
I believe in Steven Bonne’s remark (make your employee feel that they are valued.)
Steven,
You are correct! No one cares what you know until they know that you care.
make your employee feel that they are valued. this makes interations more proactive.
Kathleen
I understand your dilemma. My advise to you is to set your conversation. Number one the communication should be controlled. Understanding the emotion of this person there will be no discussion until the person writes down their concerns basing it only on the facts. Stopping and asking to write it down will lower the emotion. Asking the person to schedule a time to come see you. Set up ground rules for a productive discussion and when they are violated the meeting is over. If discussion is in the public at anytime they become unduly emotional they need to gomto your office and wait for you. When you arrive the start of the meeting should be to discuss how we could of better handled the discussion. Take this chance to revert back to going over earlier set guide lines
I am a school director and have one teacher that seems to live exclusively in the limbic system of the brain (all emotions and very little reasoning). I have learned to read her state by what she doesn't say. When she shuts down and isn't talking to me I know that an interaction with her will be explosive. True, she wants to be heard, to vent her emotions but how can we get her into the neo-cortex? I listen to her woes and it doesn't seem to help. Usually after her venting she flees, so the issues are never resolved. She does not seem to be able to get to the reasoning, rational part of her brain and so I do not know how to respond in a professional way. I am thinking of firing her, and it is such a shame- because when she is teaching and emotionally stable she is valuable.
I am just beginning my journey into the management aspect of my work and have been having difficult interactions with one of my staff. I do look at body language right from the start, it's a great way to learn what I'm up against.
I there are many resources but I will give you one to get started:
I need to learn how to read body language better. Can you suggest any resources?
I am not very good at body language so I prefer to let the person talk all they want and listen as they often come around to the issue and solution.
Open ended question with no threat is a way to analyze the situation. You can then begin with coaching the person through the situation.
First I look at who it is. What do I know about the person or not. Have I had an interactions with them in the past or do I not know this person. There are many factors to look at and discuss with others (management)...
Predictions of relationships can very difficult. Being to judgmental could create a lost opportunity. Some our longest and best relationships take some time to mature with patience.
I employ caution, and use the following guidlines to weigh the options of whether or not its worth wild to pursue the issue correction or not.
• How will the situation affect your ability to work with this person in the future?
• Is your working relationship with this person short term or long term?
• How likely is it that the relationship could be improved?
• What are the potential benefits of addressing the situation?
• Is the payoff worth the time commitment?
Body language is a great key to good communication. If you read it correctly you are ahead of the game.
Attitude and body language are key identifiers for me. I relate it to interviewing skills, when a direct report comes to me with an issue, whether it be in my office or not, the first thirty seconds are the most important. It does not always work but I try to gage their attitude and body language and remember to listen to their entire issue and determine where their interest lies before rendering a decision or suggesting a course of action.
I agree with other comments on this thread about staying calm. I know that as a manager it is my job to stay calm and not get personally or emotionally invested. There are times where I have not seen a particular issue before or am passionate about the issue. During these times I continue to ask questions to see what the direct report wants to get out of the interaction and how it affects the company's mission.
I look for attitude markers such as negative commentary about other workers.
I also look for a lot of unproductive meeting time "behind closed doors" followed by comments about being over worked. Facial expressions and "negative faces" during meetings while other reports are speaking/presenting.
These identifiers are obvious.
