For many years I supervised teachers for behaviorally disordered youth. I would always give them the advise that when a situation becomes emotional to not let yourself rise with the emotion. What often happens is the each party rises higher and higher until you reach the uncontrollable level. If you can stay calm it often brings the emotion down.
I respond with caution at times when the person or situation has the potential to emotionally trigger me or others involved in the interaction. A difficult interaction is typically when a person or situation has the potential to provoke you to react in an uncontrollable manner. The important thing is to remain in control of the situation by remaining in control of your emotions.
You are a very observant person. Much can be determined just from the body language and facial expressions. We probably don't realize how much react to people just from those standpoints. They obviously keep us from making mistakes with peoples emotions, attitudes and agendas. In the book "Blink" we make these judgements in a split second from how these individuals approach us.
Good answer!
Before the conversation I study the issue. In the body of the conversation that I am about to address with the person (where is the conversation going), knowing and an understanding of the person. I also look for body posturing, attitude, tones in their voice, and eye contact (staring into space).
Your body language is very important in time of crisis or stress. You can only lead when your emotions are in check.
I usually look at their body language, listen to tone of voice, and always listed to what they say when they come into my office or when I come into theirs, this gives me an indication of what I will be facing. I always try to remain calm and listen to what the other person has to say.
Professional relationships for your employees are occassionally met with challenges. Each of us have our own personality traits and our co-workers may not a have the same conducive personality. This type of diversity in the workplace is a positive. But to manage it is sometimes a challenge and also an opportunity. Through conflict we have the chance to better understand each other and grow from the experience.
Conflict in the workplace cannot be ignored. Your best action is to identify the players who are in conflict and be ready to meet with them individually to understand the issue. Over 80% of our communication is listening. The key at this stage is not to take sides but redirect emotion into solid problem solving acitivity between the stakeholders. It is important to re-emphasize the mission of the company and business and how this type of conflict hinders the progress. In most all cases conflict resolution is better done with the parties with your facilitation. When is rises to the point of when the boss has to take charge is becomes a win-lose situation. The best solutions are win-win.
I worked for 23 years with behaviorally disordered adolecents. The corellation with the work place with conflict has its parallels. Your emoition and or taking in personal creates even more conflict. It is essential to keep your emotion and personal feelings to a calm level reaction to all the reported conflicts and deal with them professionally.
Often identifiers will come from other individuals within the team, particularly if they feel they are not working well with another individual. This is where "conflict management" and "managing difficult situations" truly becomes an art. Do you as a manager intervene, or is it a coaching situation where you have the opportunity to advise another employee how to approach their peer to discuss the situation?
Emotion, word choice, lack of specific examples (speaking in generalities) can all be signs of a difficult interaction in progress. In most cases, individuals want to be heard, and a difficult interaction is only as difficult as you make it. If you can manage your own emotion and reaction, the situation tends to escalate far less often into something ugly. If you are unable to separate your "personal" reaction from a professional response, the situation can become quite uncomfortable.
I agree with you. It is a tough line to follow for any leader. You have recognized the difference and ghat is half the.battle.
yes, I recently had to speak to an employee about an ongoing performance issue, and as the converstation went on I did begin to speak from my emotions (we used to be close friends before my promotion 3 years ago) and the converstation got a bit tangled in with the personal. It went OK but in reflection I see I need to be clearer about holding my personal self as a leader,and treat this employee like all others. I feel I was not as good a boss with them as I am with others, due to my own personal feelings coming in(I felt personally let down by them, etc.).
87% of communication is listenting. Your reflection on listening is right ON! Sometimes we don't have the ability to preapare for a moment that occurs with emotion. Great leadership doesn't allow us to rise to the level of emotion that is surrounding us. We need to remain calm and have the apperance of control of the siutuation. Calmness will bring other people down to a better level of listening and thinking.
From my side as a manager, there are many situations I can facilitate smoothly even if they are challenging. However, there are the select few where I feel my own defensive reactions really rising up before going to speak with the employee. I feel it in my body. In these cases I find it very helpful to take the time I need first to center myself, breathe, examine my own fears, and release my right/wrong belief before going to meet with then. Then especially in these cases: listen, listen, listen. The class material has been very helpful, and I plan to incorporate it.
Communication comes in many forms. Your ability to read body language and voice tone is right on track. If your read is correct the next step is what to do. How would you handle a bad tone or body language that is not appropriate to conjur positive communication
Any preconceived notions, posturing and voice tone are all indicators that you may have a difficult interaction
Suzanne,
You are on the right track. The best communication comes from good listening. Comminication is 7% verbal, 13% body language and 80% listening. You are exactly right to not to measure all of these by listening. Your outcomes will become more positive if you can do this well difficult interactions will be easier.
Monica,
It is hard sometimes to not take comments or actions personal. It is our professional duty to always keep in mind the mission of your company and that the best decison be made. Once emotion enters into a discussion or any kind of exchange happens it will destroy the opportunity to maintain a good working relationship. When we allow this to happen their usually no chance to have a win win opportunity.
I check for body language and tone. You can usually tell where the conversation is going by these pre cursors. These will help in deciding how to move foward.
Yes it is important to remember that sometimes negative interactions with others are not necessarily "personal" to you. It is very much about perception - that is, every individual sees a situation from his/ her point of reference. And thus, it is sometimes important to step out of your comfort zone and make an effort to ask for clarification of a response/situation.
William,
Your mentor attitude is quite important. It always important to stay positive and professional. It is sometimes easy to get caught up in the emotion of the circumstances. The best plan of action is to remain within the practices and policy of the business. Keep the mission of the company in mind. Positve attitudes always win over the negative or they leave on their own.
I agree whole heartedly. I would also add, observe the interactions of the troubled employees with other staff that are not in conflict.
