Tim,
You have practiced great technique. When I was working with behavior problem students in Special Education our mode of action was exactly as you stated your behavior. When we heighten our emotions to the level of the person we are talking with they only escalate to a higher level. The secret is to bring it down. First keep your calm and second if you can remove them from the environment you are in physically. Good choices on your part.
Dr. Gary Carlson
The first indicator for me is body language. I look at facial expressions, hand gestures and exaggerated body movements. These are good signs that I need to watch my reactions and try to be the calming element in the interaction. I've found that initially listening to the issue without interuption is the first step to resolution. Once the person is calmed down, a lot of times I will ask them to go for a walk with me. We get out of the closed area/environment and go outside or into a neutral part of the building. If the issue is with something I have caused, I try to be open and take ownership of my part. Humility and forgivness goes a long way to build interpersonal relations.
Tammy,
After working with behavior problem students in special education I realized the best policy is to remain calm and remove the issue away from the other students. The same is true for adults. If your emotion raises so does the person you are talking with.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I just try to meet the person where they are at, and not pull past experiences into the current scene. This way I don't make assumptions about the issue.
Pamela,
We all need to understand our worth in the work place. Self-confidence should not be at the expense of who you are and what you do. Confidence is a sign of a good leader. When you show your talent it may intimidate someone who is a bully personality. My recommendation is to stay true to yourself. If that is not accepted you are best to move on with your talents.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Dr. Carlson,
I am a very strong communicator with good understanding of non-verbal communication. Unfortunately, I have a superior that I deal with who has a bullying mentality. You are only as good as your last good accomplishment and if you are in the "good old boy network". I have over 32 years in my field and I am having great difficulty with this type of personality. He is a very verbally abusive type person. I am hoping that by taking this course that I will find common ground with him and move on to a better more communicative positive relationship with better interaction in the future. This course is helping me learn ways to be a better listener and also to realize that perceptions can be important and if the other person having the conflict fails to acknowledge their part, coming to work everyday with be a bad experience. After working with this company for 5 years, I am feeling strongly about looking for employment elsewhere if these issues cannot be resolved. Please give me some insight into things you would recommend. I would be appreciative for any help.
Thank you,
Pam
Kourtnee,
Every task needs to fit into the mission of the company. If your challenges are being met with success then their has to be support for those who are achieving. The beauty of working with many people is there is a diversity on approaching the challenges. We don't have to be alike to succeed in the process.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Kourtnee,
Your ability to see the issue on a reasonable and equitable level helps to come up with a fair and just direction. Hearing both sides is a essential to good leadership.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I look for the work styles and see if there need to be any improvement or how can we support one anther work styles and respect it.
I hear each side of the story and see ways to resolve the issue some we all can work together.
treva,
These are good techniques. Good communication requires good observation of body language and listening to what they are saying. Listening is 87% of communication. Behavior of the person is a indication of an earlier experience. You being observant helps to have a productive outcome.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I look for changes in mannerisms, body language and tone of voice. Someone could just be having an off moment, so i really take my time to observe closely.
andrew,
Approaching any issues with your people is through good listening first. Once you have a handle on what brought them to this point gives you a head start on solving the conflict. If the communicator has someone to listen with sincerity you will have a better chance of moving forward.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Annette,
It is a proven fact that 87% of good communication comes from listening. You approach is a good one to listen intently on their issues and then be supportive with guidance in the correct direction.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Sharon,
All attitudes are caused by some precedent event. If we could discern the activity we can diminish the inappropriate behavior or attitude. What you have been practicing is an excellent technique.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I look for a change in their attitude towards you. In my experience, if a person who normally is copacetic with you changes their interaction with you negatively, (I.E. Short responses, aggressive body language, etc)that becomes a signal of there is something wrong between you and that person.
The persons tone of voice and body language are identifiers that there is a potential for a difficult interaction. My first reaction would be to take that person into a quiet area and listen to what they have to say. Let them know that you understand their feelings and try to keep them from getting defensive. Then the two of you can be more productive in working out a solution.
Most of my interaction is with students and many come in with attitudes so I try to defuse same by listening to their questions to try and understand what brought on the attitude in the first place.
Robert,
Being an observer of body language, habits, verbal communication and habits all are useful when dealing with all people. Being able to analyze these traits can help for more productive conversations.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I watch for emotional outbursts, withdrawn behavior and avoidance of certain individuals. All three can be clues that a problem has arisen.
