David,
The one emotion we must control is our own. If we escalate with the others we lose control.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Jeff,
87% of communication is listening and observing. your technique is right on target.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I find this to be very true and excellent advice. It is the key in many situations that are emotional. De-escelating the emotions is necessary and crucial to the success of managing a difficult interaction. I find I lose almost every time if I let myself get worked up as well.
When looking for identifiers to determine a potentially difficult interaction, I first look a body language. Is the individual physically upset, or frustrated. I than try to put myself in their shoes and look at the perspective from their vantage point. I use this strategy to help me identify what the individual is looking for in our interaction.
Erica,
The method for confronting the situation is not to let your emotions match the person's whois coming into your office. After working with behaviorally challenged students I know the best method is not let yourself match the high emotions of another person.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Tone of voice is the most obvious one for me. If the person comes into my office already upset I know where the conversation will be headed. Trying to take a deep breath and make myself calm before proceeding in the conversation is the 'hard' part. Also, their body language is important as well, because it also reveals how the conversation will go.
Allison,
You can gain a lot from just studying tone of voice and body language. The key is not to change your body language or tone. Calm and in control is the best practice.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Allison,
All of your techniques are excellent. I worked with behaviorally disordered students in special education for 20 years and always told my to use the same techniques you are using.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I tend to notice tone of voice first when determining a potential difficult interaction. It is not always what is being said but rather how it's being said that, if understood correctly, can lead to having a positive conversation. With that said, where I work I see a lot of conversations starting with the blame game. This is usually a good sign that these conversations will turn difficult. In those instances, I try to hear them out and then try to put the responsibility of coming to a solution back in their court. I try to guide tough situations with intention not with rigidity.
I grew up in a home where your tone of voice was very important. It did not always matter what I was saying but how I would say it. That foundation has really helped me as an adult in my professional and personal life. When emotions get high, it is essential to keep a calm and soothing tone. It is very hard for someone who is worked up to continue to communicate with you in that manner, if you are responding in a calm manner. Breathing is also very important when dealing with difficult interactions.
Patrick,
Your reaction is a good one. I worked with behaviorally disordered students in special education for 20 years and I always explained with the teachers their emotion was key to keeping control of the situation. We never should allow our emotions to rise the level of the person in front of you. If you stay calm they will soon or later begin to come down to your level.
Dr. Gary Carlson
As the interaction begins I assess the persons body language and the tone of their voice. I find that these are rather good indicators for the way that interaction will progress. If a student comes to my office in an agitated state, I keep my voice low and steady and do what I can to lower the tone of the conversation.
Mala,
When you are a good listener puts you one in front of the people you are working with.
Dr. Gary Carlson
True. Unfortunately not everyone is a good listener. So while I listen as carefully as I can, I also check to see whether I have been understood--by asking questions--to see if we're on the same page. People tend to hear what they expect to hear.
Wendy,
Body language is very important in understanding communication. It gives us a chance to have a better understanding of the communicators intentions.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Wendy,
Attitude of gratitude is a great motivator. When you can show gratitude a person wants to excel. We all need to understand gratitude is a two way street.
Dr. Gary Carlson
This is a good on. Watching the interactions with other employees can sometimes speak volumes! If they are in conflict with others, it can be interesting to see if that person acts the same or different depending on who the conflict is with. And if its someone not in conflict, you can watch the 'other' part of the person's personality to see if maybe there is something else going on that maybe wasnt apparent because the concentration was on the conflict.
I agree with this as well. Speaking for myself, if I dont feel appreciated or that I am doing a good job, it makes me want to slack off. Because I get a who cares attitude. But when I know I'm doing well and I know my boss sees that, I want to try harder and see how far I can go with a project. Positive reinforcement works wonders, Everyone wants to feel good about their performance.
Kimberly,
Listening is a key to great communication. 87% of communication is listening. Always keep your emotions on the ground floor..
Dr. Gary Carlson
I personally try to take a step back and see the other person's point of view. By seeing things from their perspective it allows me to listen better giving me a better opportunity for conflict resolution in the end. By handling things this way it also gives me time and understanding to keep my emotions in check which is cruicial in keeping things professional in the office.
