Moving Through the Communication Hierarchy
What part of the communication hierarchy challenges you the most? What will you do to improve at that stage?
Great awareness, Marialys! Achieving relationship equity first before expressing an opinion or feelings is a sure way to continue building rapport.
Elizabeth Wheeler
The mutual interest stage is the part of the communication hierarchy that challenges me the most. I sometimes skip the steps that are necessary to establish trust with my students. I believe I need to spend more time building rapport to establish that connection.
To work on improving my communication I plan to spend time focusing on my listening skills and working on body language in conversation.
I have a hard time when someone jumps past one of the stages in the communication Hierarchy. I understand the importance of going back and trying to start off fresh in one of the lower steps- however- personally I have a hard time to allow open honest communication to develop after a rocky start.
Mirenia, Interesting! Keep in mind, the communication hierarchy comes from the world of marriage counseling and is not designed for you to reach the bond level with your students (That is the deepest level of rapport). This means you really are not fully bonding with them in the way it is meant for the hierarchy. Knowing that, what do you think is your biggest challenge with the hierarchy?
Dr. Jean Norris
I have been told that I am pretty good at communicating with others. If one causes me more trouble it is probably bonding. Sometimes I think that I bond too much with the students, which can make it harder to be the "heavy hand" at times.
Janet,
You're right. At times it can be difficult to make small talk with a student when it is uncomfortable for you or if you are busy. It may help to constantly remind yourself that small talk is important to getting to mutual interest, and then rapport. Thank you for posting!
Elizabeth Wheeler
Laura,
Thank you for sharing! It is important not to skip the small talk, no matter how busy you are. You're absolutely right that complete focus on the current conversation will help you slow down and go through all of the steps of the hierarchy.
Elizabeth Wheeler
Small talk has always been the hardest part of communication for me -- even from childhood. I have always considered myself a pretty good listener because I have never liked to talk about myself and it is hard to spend that little bit of time to connect through small talk.
I am a get-down-to-business type of person and it has always seemed like a waste of time and out of place to spend time on the niceties. It is easier to do this if you have a personal one-to-one relationship with another person; but harder with people you do not know.
In my contact with students -- especially those I don't know too well -- I will try harder to spend time with small talk in order to establish a rapport with them.
I sometimes find the small talk part of the hierarchy to be challenging. On busy days where I have to meet with a lot of people, I often feel pressed for time and try to skip this step.
In order to improve, I need to focus solely on the conversation and not worry about the clock or the next group of people that may be waiting on me.
Thank you, Tania! Practicing with co-workers and students is great, but you can also practice with your family members, a waiter at a restaurant, or even a person sitting next to you on a train or bus. That's the great thing about the Communicaiton Hierarchy - it makes it easy to build rapport with anyone! Be careful if skipping ahead in the order of the Hierarchy, though. Skipping right from small talk to sharing of opinions, for example, could cause the other person to shut down and discontinue the conversation :)
Dr. Jean Norris
I skip ahead in the order of the communication hierarchy. I improve by practicing with my coworkers and students.
Peter, A critical step in the Communication Hierarchy is the mutual interest. Great suggestion to focus on that with your student. Keep in mind, the mutual interest has to be meaningful. What do you think is meant by that?
Dr. Jean Norris
Mutual interest is the most challenge part in the communication hierarchy to me and I sometime do skip the mutual interest step and jump into Opinions a bit too quickly. Therefore, I sometimes find myself in a silent situation when my opinions bursted out.
Therefore, I believe I should try to stay in the stage of mutual interest more longer as to find a more solid and common ground with the communicating other.I should be more patient and willing to wait for the other to express their opinions first because I can then determine whether I should deliver my own opinions or not and in what way. During the mutual interest stage, I can try unintentionally asking for my communication opponent's opinions in order to determine if we are on the same side of believe, thoughts, and interest. In this case,I won't hit the ceiling right the way and distracted the whole communication process which I have built for particular purpose.
Cathy, I agree. It can be hard when you know that you are in a meeting for a reason, and the only thing on your mind is your business. Not to mention, if your in a meeting with someone that you don't really know that well, it can come across as nosey or inappropriate. I have the same challenge at the small talk "business" questions. I usually find that they wind up opening into issues or topics that I am not prepared to discuss, especially if the person's reply is negative.
I feel comfortable with the entire Communication Hierchy as I have extensive sales/people experience. However the area that is the biggest challenge is opinion, on occasion I may jump in too fast and say something about a program too soon. The key to get myself back on track is to go back and ask a question and return to the program area later. Another big key, is listening!
Cathy, Great! It's also really great that you are so aware of what you need to work on. Listening is key to building rapport, good insight! Keep us posted on your success!
Dr. Jean Norris
Janet, Great insight! Thank you for all your posts in the forum!
Dr. Jean Norris
I find the area of small talk to be most challenging. I am sometimes too business focused and want to get right to it. I know I can sometimes ask a "small talk question" and then move directly to the business without really listening or pursuing follow up questions.
I will work to slow down my urgency and develop a strategy for each scenario by thinking of appropriate ice breakers (topics) and allow myself to slow down. Understanding the hierarchy makes this much easier for me going forward.
