Before this course, I thought I should show good listening by trying to make a personal connection with what the other person is saying. I often follow what people say with a comment about how I have a similar experience, feeling, etc. I see now that for a person to really feel heard it is more effective to repeat/rephrase rather than to talk about me!
I seem to limit my own listening at times by hearing a problem and trying to come up with a way to "fix it" before I am done listening to the person speaking. I see this most times personally, with my wife. As a man, we are always trying to find ways to "fix things" and I don't always take the time to realize that all she needs is just someone willing to listen.
I can apply this concept personally and also professionally as well!
I actually limit my listening a lot. I often try to multitask while I am listening. Seldom do I listen intently, focusing on what the speaker is saying without listening to my internal thoughts. If I am busy while someone is talking to me, I just listen for the facts so I can appease them so they can go away and I can go back to what I was doing. Often with my wife I think I know what she is going to say before she finishes and I interupt her and try (unsuccessfully sometimes) to finish her sentence.
There are times when I don't pay attention enough. I need to continue to improve on staying engaged in the conversation and asking questions when necessary. Sometimes I have to deliver so much information I get focused on delivering the information and not listening to what the people need.
Sometimes I assume too much for the student and sometimes do not adress their real issues.
Michelle, that's a common limitation. So now that you have this insight, what is your plan moving forward?
Dr. Jean Norris
Joseph, it sounds like you have a great plan to work on that limitation. Keep up the good work.
Dr. Jean Norris
Regarding repeat, rephrase, reflect. I believe it is difficult to multitask to keep up with the demand of work and also be completing focused with active listening in this way, listening 100%. I have learned it is about timing...when we are at the first level of the communication heiarchy, "Ritual" or small talk, I can listen and do basic tasks. However, the more in depth and important the conversation, the more difficult it is to multitask for me to truly hear the student. It is to my detriment if I don't mulitask. Can you speak to this balance?
Also, this course has reaffirmed the need to make phone calls over email....they are more fruitful. This is where I have learned more about the student and can effectively get accross my point.
Great points here Heather. So it looks like with this new awareness, you have formulated a plan to work on those limitations. Keep us posted with the results.
Dr. Jean Norris
Ashley, thanks for being honest here. So now, that you have this awareness, what is your plan to move forward?
Dr. Jean Norris
Ben, that is great awareness to have. Now, you have the power to choose what you do with this information. Let us know your plan to move forward.
Dr. Jean Norris
Lynn, that's a great point. So it sounds like you are saying that it's important to build a good foundation with your students and that by doing so, it may allow you to share your expert opinion, but it may take a little time. Do I have that right?
Dr. Jean Norris
Jeff, that sounds like a great plan moving forward. Keep us posted with the results.
Dr. Jean Norris
My internal listening is very distracting at times. I need to make sure I am controlling my environment so I can get to a higher level of listening.
It's easy in the "expert" position to fall into the trap of providing answers and solutions without earning and establishing a great connection with them. That connection in the first conversation provides the foundation for the rest of our interactions with the student, and may even determine whether there will be future interactions.
I tend to multi-task too much during conversations and especially when I have a lot to do or am behind on my work. This limits my listening because I am no longer as focused on the student as I should be. I may miss something important that the student has told me, a question or concern they may have mentioned which could be an issue later. In some cases I may have to ask the student to repeat themselves or even worse, ask the same question a second time because I did not listen for the answer the first time. By limiting my listening skills, I am sure to miss something.
I have been trained to listen to facts and speak to those statements. I think I only repeat to get it over with, but I need to have a better attitude about what I am learning.
I believe that i am a person that tries to fix things a problem solver. I believe that this limits my listening skils becuase I focuse more on the problme then what the student truely wants to convey to me. I do believe that i am improving in this area becuase of teh sucess that I have had with most of my students.
I think my biggest limitation is that I am constantly looking for facts. Something the student can say that I can offer an answer or solution to. I need to step back and pay more attention to if the student is looking for a solution or just conveying information.
I tend to only listen for keywords and hot buttons. I generally focus more on what my next steps for my students are while they're talking, and I need to work more on listening to the back story and feeling around those keywords and hot buttons.
