When I feel that a colleague or even a student is not listening, it does not make me feel valued or important. Going through these modules can help me identify when someone else is not "actively listening" and I can assist them with truly listening to ensure that both of our messages are being heard.
I feel very small and unimportant when someone talks over me or ignores me. My feelings are hurt. I stop talking or sharing and turn off/shut down. It's as if that person has been put into a different category in my mind: superficial, don't trust completely, not interested in me.
When someone really takes the time to listen to me I feel valued and important. It also serves to empower me to listen more intently to others, especially in difficult situations. I describe it as "being heard". It makes me feel as if I am equal footing in the conversation, an equal partner.
When I am not listened to, I feel ignored and not important. It may lead me to think the other person is a know it all and better than everyone else. Bottomline, communication is limited and goals are not accomplished.
I feel sad or annoyed when someone is not listening to me. I feel that we should always give others our undivided attention. I can also learn from my own advice. Sometimes I do not use my active listening skills well. But after completing Module 3 I see my flaws. I will practice active listening skills daily to help improve.
The biggest feeling to me when I have not been listened to is that of umimportance. I feel underappreciated and undervalued, usually be someone that I really value.
I can certainly relate to this question in social, academic and professional settings. First, it is always disturbing for me to be genually interested in conversing with an individual, yet the feeling may not be mutual. I am truly interested in learning about an individual's life experiences, the schools they attended and what is unique and rewarding in their professional life. It is always amazing to learn about how someone may have had to overcome personal challenges in life, but the success they eventually achieved is something to be celebrated. As someone tells this type of story to me, I am totally immersed in the conversation. I like to ask questions and to learn their "secrets" of success. When I interject with my own experiences and accomplishments, I would hope that the person would also be interested and engage me in a responsive conversation. When I feel the conversation is totally one-sided, I begin to wind-down (in a professional and well-mannered style) the interaction. I always enjoy meeting with and learning from students and developing a greater understanding of their needs and motivations.
I usually feel confused. If someone is requesting information I feel like there must be something else that is distracting them. Are they really interested in persuing an education? Is there something going on at the moment that is more important? I think I try to understand why they aren't listening, usually there is a reason and somtimes they won't let you know unless you ask.
Being heard by another is one of the deepest, richest experiences of humanity. We often take for granted the kindness and caring expressed through the simple act of listening.
It's harder to tell if a person is listening to me when I am on the phone with them, but when I am talking face-to-face to them, I can tell I am being ignored when they are giving me poor eye contact or poor body language. It is rude and disrespectful.
Not being heard is a huge frustration for me. I would rather be treated like I was dumb then ignored. I can imagine how it can be completely frusterating for a student to feel unheard.
It can be absolutely irritating when you are trying to speak or reply to a question and someone interupts you and will not let you finish. This happens in general conversation. Because of this, I make it a point not to cut people off when they are talking. Even still, Im guilty of allowing distractions to set in when listening to others. Definitely an item to work on.
Not being listened to is frustrating- I feel like I do not matter to the person I am speaking to or that whatever is distracting them is more important than what I am saying. It can make a person feel that they are undervalued and unimportant. It can also make someone shut down or feel less inlcined to express themselves in the future.
Unimportant and as if my thoughts do not matter to the person I am talking to at the time.
It can be very frustrating when you are not being listened to. These are great times to figure out what is turning the other person away. Are they not focused on the conversation? Can the conversation happen at another time? Is it just that the person disagrees with what you are saying and therefor has no desire to hear you.
I sometimes get annoyed when my students do not seem to be listening and just want to talk. How do I reign them in? I wan't to listen, but they don't seem to be listening to me.
I feel unimportant when someone is not listening to me. I also feel annoyed because in essence it feels like they are being selfish. My immediate response is to shut down, close them out in return.
I feel the need to evaluate what I was saying to see if there is any other way to explain my theme.
Christina, thanks for sharing your experience here and now based on that, it sounds like you take the time to really listen to your students and focus on them. Great work here.
Dr. Jean Norris
It is the most frustrating experience in the world when I am not listened to. I am writing an advanced degree program for a school and the person "in charge" really cannot follow the progress. There is not one thing I can say that is listened to.
In that vein I am more focused than ever to keep my skills at a high level of active listening for my students.
