When You Are Listened To
How do you feel when you have not been listened to?
I am the type of person that can be distracted if I am interrupted more than 3 times. Due to our low Admissions Staffing level, I always set the stage with every prospective student and let them know that my full focus will be with them today, however, we may receive minimal interruptions and ask for their permission if it is okay with them. Regardless of what they say, I call our Front Desk and let them know I will not be taking calls and my colleagues know not to interrupt me unless its something very critical or important. I like to look at every student with good eye contact and rephrase to them what they shared with me to let them know I am carefully listening and understanding their needs.
Iza, Thank you for posting! How can you make sure that none of your students ever feel this way?
Elizabeth Wheeler
I feel unimportant, not cared about, or feels like if I just wasted my time. It is very frustrating.
BRENDA, Interesting! Do you think your students feel the same way when they are not listened to? How can you make sure they don't feel that way?
Elizabeth Wheeler
When I have not been listened to I stop talking to make the person realized I notice that he/she is not paying attention to me. After that when I got the attention I repeat my conversation again, I try not to be upset but I ask question to make sure the listener is following me.
When I am listened to I feel secure with that person. I feel as though they care about me and my feelings.
I would ask that person what their thoughts are and what he/she would want
Lutgarda, Thank you for posting! Let's say the student is the one acting disinterested, how to engage them?
Dr. Jean Norris
If the person I am talking to is not listening to, I feel frustration, and tend to shut down, and not bother speaking to about that subject to that person anymore.
I will feel "frustrated" when I am talking and not been listened to. This will make me think that I am not the important person to my listener, or they just do not care about what I am saying.
It will be even more devastated for me if I am answering a person's question or response to a request for my professional opinions and this person is not paying attention to me.
In the second situation, I usually no longer want to establish further bonding relationship with this rude individual, and I may just give him/her unthink and simple response when the next time he/she asking for my opinions or suggestions.
So, to avoid not been listened, I would first make sure this person is truly seeking for my advise, and while giving my response, I will try to do it at a least noises environment so they can pay a full attention to my messages.
On the other hand, I will do the same for others if someone is talking to me or trying to express or deliver their opinions, thoughts, ideas, and feelings. I will make sure they have my full attention, and I will listen to them by adopting the principles of active listening: Repeat / Rephrase / reflect. This way I can be more focused and be more aware of what is this person trying to tell me.
It is frustrating and irritating when I know I have not been listened to. I feel as though my thoughts are not important and insignificant to the listener.
When I feel that I have not been listened to, I get frustrated and consider the other person to be rude. I always attempt to give my undivided attention to a person and if they are interrupted for some reason, I always try to go back to where they ended their conversation. If people don't want to listen to an answer, why do they ask the question? This is something I ask myself on a regular basis.
If I am in the middle of a conversation, at a party, for example, and the conversation is interrupted, I am always amazed that the group just appears to have totally ignored that one person had been telling a story and appear to just move on. I tend to be the person that goes back to the speaker and say - you were talking about.... and continue the conversation.
It makes you feel frustrated and what you have to say is unimportant; I usually try to keep a positive attitude when I know I am not being listened to.
it feels horrible, sometimes there are times that you don't mean it but we have so many things on our life's that it can happen but what helps me is the technic repeat, rephrase, reflect to make sure that I get back on track and that the student feels that I'm listening.
Michelle, That is a great practice! Putting yourself in the other person's shoes will help give you a new perspective.
Dr. Jean Norris
When I believe that I am not being listen too, I begin think about what I am saying to make sure I am not babbling about unimportant things. I also try to understand what the other person is going through, and take it from there.
MARTA, It can be a really bad feeling, like you expressed. Good thing to keep in mind when meeting with students, don't you feel?
Dr. Jean Norris
When someone is not listening to me or just flat out ignoring me it makes me feel that he or she has no regares to respect me or my topic of interest. And most of all it makes me feel that I may not be as important as what he or she is talking about.
Marianne, Thank you for sharing. You make an interesting point. Do you allow your student the same opportunity to ask questions, to see if you are listening to them?
Dr. Jean Norris
